The author reflects on her experience growing up in purity culture, which taught her that her sexual purity was her most prized asset and encouraged abstinence until marriage. Believing that her sexuality was a gift to be saved for her future husband, she found herself unprepared for the realities of sex and intimacy once she got married. The transactional nature of purity culture left her feeling anxious and inadequate in her marriage, constantly worried about not having enough sex or not doing it right.
The lack of emphasis on female desire and autonomy within purity culture became apparent to the author as she encountered young women preparing for marriage with bridal showers focused on housewares and lingerie. She began to question where the ritual was for young women who were not getting married but were still whole individuals deserving of fulfillment and pleasure. Seeking answers, she turned to lingerie as a source of personal empowerment and self-expression, inspired by French women who viewed lingerie as a way to please themselves and celebrate their own sexuality.
As the author’s marriage began to falter, she found solace in exploring lingerie and the women who wore it for themselves, rather than for a partner. Discovering a sense of liberation and self-acceptance through lingerie, she realized that intimate apparel could serve as a symbol of personal empowerment and a reminder of the capacity for desire and pleasure within her body. Embracing this newfound understanding, she embarked on a journey of self-discovery and reevaluation of her beliefs surrounding sex and monogamy.
After her divorce, the author found herself single for the first time in over two decades, grappling with existential questions about her identity and desires. She navigated dating apps and therapy sessions, seeking clarity on the purpose of dating for herself. Embracing a season of deconstruction and self-discovery, she began to unpack her beliefs around sex and intimacy, free from the constraints of a church or external influences. Through lingerie and other forms of self-expression, she found the courage to challenge shame and celebrate her body’s capacity for pleasure.
In her ongoing journey of self-discovery and empowerment, the author continues to explore the meanings of sex and monogamy on her own terms. Rejecting societal expectations and patriarchal norms, she embraces lingerie as a symbol of her superpower and commitment to seeking liberation from harmful beliefs. Through wearing lingerie that makes her feel good in her body, she confronts shame and celebrates her body’s ability to experience desire and pleasure, irrespective of societal standards. Ultimately, the author finds empowerment and freedom in making choices for herself, including the decision to wear luxurious loungewear for special occasions or simply for herself.
